Michael: "We shouldn't be ok with living selfishly"

Michael at Soweto Boys and Girls Club of South Africa

I have only had the opportunity to hang out with children a few times while here in South Africa, many of my co-educators work at schools or other facilities that give them day to day interaction with kids.

The two times that come to mind when I got to play with children was at a home that housed children that were from broken homes and/or were HIV+. The other was in Johannesburg when we went and helped out at an after school program.

Each experience was similar in that our group played, danced, drew, laughed, ran, were tackled by swarms of giggling kids, and left with smiles that lasted for hours if not days each time.

We all felt great. How could you not? Honestly, is there anything better than laughing with children for four hours? Further more, I left feeling good about myself; after all I was doing a wholly amazing thing right? I just took time to play, teach, and connect with incredibly poor and or sick children in Africa.

If you asked me what I did those afternoons I would sound like Mother Theresa. Why shouldn’t I feel like Mother Theresa?

For me, the answer is because it was one afternoon. An afternoon if isolated, is worthy of self-admiration and positive reflection. However, in the context of my life self-admiration from that one afternoon should not shine through.

In fact I feel kind of bad about myself. I don’t know if you will really get why, but I’ll try my best to explain…I guess...

I don’t know it is kind of tough to explain but basically I realized I don’t care enough about those kids to go back and see them ever again.

I felt this the most when I was trying to get on the bus, and a group of kids were laughing and dragging me to the ground. At this point, one of the full-time workers at the after-school club yelled, “HE IS LEAVING.” I know she probably just told them that because they had to know I needed to go and that they were preventing me form doing so.

But it felt differently to me, it felt like she was telling them just how little I cared about them, and telling me as well. It felt like she was pleading with them to understand that whatever affection they had for me and were demonstrating in their hugs and high fives was not matched. They didn’t want me to leave, and I did and I never wanted to go back. Not that I didn't want to go back in any kind of mean spirited way, but if I wanted to go back I would.

Also, the popular response to this kind of thing being presented seems to be to not feel bad or whatever, because we can't all be Mother Theresa. This is true, but I don't think it is a bad standard for us to compare ourselves to (not her specifically, I just pulled her name out of the air cause it sounds good but I hope you get the point). We shouldn't be ok with living selfishly and more so we shouldn't ignore the fact that we live selfishly, I am not killing myself over this but still like no one in the world does as much as we should and at the very least I think we should acknowledge this. Right? Again I don't really know anything, kinda just spitballing here