Mackenzie on expectations

Mackenzi

During this trip I have had many experiences that have led me to think about the idea of expectations. Our lives, the present moments we live in, are often driven by thoughts of the future. We are motivated by the future, and sometimes this is a wonderful thing. It leads us to create goals and it allows us to be creative in our visions. However.. there are more instances than not in which expectations lead us down a path that isn’t so great. We develop pre-conceived notions of people and places and things and moments. When these people, places, things, and moments are different than what we expect – there are consequences.

It is so easy in our society and especially at my age to immediately judge people upon the first five minutes of meeting them. As much as I tried to come here and have little judgment towards my co-educators, I found my mind quickly labeling. I took snippets of what someone would say or do and then decide who they were off of that small impression. I noticed myself thinking negatively about certain individuals. I began to expect certain things from individuals that I did not necessarily like. What I did not realize was that in having these negative expectations.. I was missing out on those things about them that I could potentially like. I would seek out the things that I would expect them to do or say that would annoy me, and in that would totally miss out on any other aspect of them. After a conversation with Maria, I noticed this.. and decided to try and see a certain person in a different light. Since doing this, I have tried to be open about this individual and see all their aspects – good and bad. I was happily surprised when I began to see how funny they were and incredibly kind. I stopped expecting and looking for their imperfections, and many wonderful things shined through.

I see this same idea of expectation throughout this world. One day I was walking home alone from the main shopping area. Typically, I make a conscious choice to leave fear behind and just enjoy myself when I get to walk around this beautiful town. However, as I was walking on the sidewalk beside the commons I noticed from afar a black man walking towards me. At first, I was not phased at all and went on listening to my music. Slowly, I noticed him walking closer and closer towards me. He seemed to be walking directly at me. I noticed my heart speed up, and fear rise up inside of me. I noticed myself clutching my phone tightly in my hand. As he approached, I was unsure what to do. However, just as he got close to me, he immediately passed me, and I soon after noticed he was getting so close to me because in this small sidewalk – another runner was coming from the other direction. The man simply was trying to avoid bumping into this runner. How ridiculous this moment seemed. I feared someone mainly because of the color of their skin, and this is not something I can deny. I have prior EXPECTATIONS that my society has reinforced in me. I expected the worst in this stranger. I soon had the realization that my negative expectations were just as responsible for crimes being committed as are the criminals committing them. I am part of this cycle. I expect a certain type of person to have certain negative tendencies and in doing this I contribute to the expectations they have of themselves. I treated this man with fear and as though he was something to fear.. how could he not then think this of himself? How can the individuals living in these townships have any type of positive expectation and view of themselves when many people do not? When people are treating these individuals as something to fear, it is inevitable that they will begin to see themselves that way and then act accordingly. Our expectations are just as, if not more, responsible for the negative actions of individuals than the individual themselves. In addition to this – what are we missing out on when we have these expectations? What lovely thing did I miss when I feared this man on the sidewalk, for no reason at all? What relationships do we miss out on growing from when we expect negative things? When we create pictures of peoples or events- we miss out on all those things that don’t fit that picture. In cases such as racism and sexism we perpetuate certain negative behaviors and tendencies by creating images of people and then treating them accordingly. In large, it is not criminals and wrong-doers that often need to be looked at. It is the people surrounding them. It is our society and our community that needs an intervention. Our views need changing, not their behaviors.

People, places, things, moments won’t be what you expected. They will be so much more. So.. one of my newest goals in Cape Town (and life) is to breakdown my expectations and preconceived notions, and therefore be able to see everything and everyone for what they are.. beautiful.