Amariliz on Creeping Emotions

Amariliz

Being in South Africa is not a notion of pushing through or waiting till the end. For me this is not the same countdown that existed prior to landing here. Whenever I stop long enough to actually think about how many weeks have passed and how many weeks remain, I stop.  In my head I often hear the voice from Iron chef it says “1 month has elapsed”, this petrifies me. I ignore it. The concept of time and making sure I do the things I want to do, the things I have to do and simply the idea of existing in a relaxed environment never seem to agree with each other. The motion is always the same. At first you feel like there is so much time, a sufficient amount to accomplish your checklist. This of course is in addition to taking classes, doing assignments (in a punctual manner), making a difference, and finding/bettering yourself.

One month in, this is what I learn. Three and a half months is not enough time. A life mission, whether it be improvement of self or improvement of others is exactly that. It is very simple.  Life. The mere fact that I am now in South Africa (where I am), verses the United States (where I live), or even Ecuador (where I am from) is independent of the time frame. Three months is three months in all locations. With this same concept is my connection. Emotions are the same regardless of where you run. I do mean it as a literal location change compensating for an emotional escape.  Please, do not misunderstand. I am not in South Africa or in this program as a result of a scared girl running from home and from herself (though this is an impossible task). This running is just another daily occurrence in my life, as simple and integrated as getting up each morning and having breakfast, or changing. However this month in South Africa has shown me that I cannot run away. It has also shown me that the problems that I am running from are those of privilege. I have met my basic needs, food, shelter and water. As a result I have the opportunity to deal with my “other” emotions/feeling/fears/dreams or very simply life head on.

 I have found after constantly working in an environment where healthcare, shelter, love and food/water are daily challenges that patients cannot shy away from, that I can no longer run away. Life here and in the clinic is very “in your face”. 

My time here is too short.

Rebecca, Amariliz, Kimmi