Nicole: lessons learned now a part of her

Culture shock is real and intense and hard. I have come home to quiet streets and driving on the right side of the road again and people who ask me how my trip is. I am beyond happy that people are interested in my time abroad, but I do not even know where to begin. My life has changed these past three months and there no way I can describe it in a simple answer. And, I know the weight of my experience does not have to be put into one sentence, but if I do not cover the extent of how important it is I feel like I am not doing it justice. But, most importantly, I was terrified that I would forget everything I learned

On Wednesday I had dinner with some members of my family. I do not know how it started, but we had a debate about life circumstances. It got a bit heavy, and we argued over whether people try or expect the government and others to take care of them. One of the members in my family believed that those in tough life circumstances remained in that by choice and by not stepping up and doing something with their lives or standing together, particularly those who were black. I felt like I was stabbed in the chest. My thoughts flashed to every single person I met in Cape Town who had been dealt very hard circumstances that gave everything they had to make other people’s lives better. It struck me to my very core and the tears swelled up in my eyes almost instantly. I knew better, that life was not so simple and hardships are rarely ever just brought on by person who does not feel like working. However, my emotional response was reassuring. In that moment of sadness, I knew everything I had learned would not leave me. I was so worried that Cape Town would feel like a distant memory, but I have discovered it is a part of me.

Erica saying "see you later!"

Our flight from Cape Town to Johannesburg would depart at 5 and our final house meeting was to take place at about 1 p.m. Waking up Monday morning the only thing I wanted to do before I left Cape Town was to ride a mini bus. I boarded a mini bus across the Red Cross Hospital going into town.  As the music was blasting I looked out the window soaking in my last day in Cape Town reflecting on everything I have done and experienced during my trip.  I began to think about how Cape Town has given me the opportunity to experience certain events for the first time.  For the first time I went hiking and hiked Lions Head for the sunset and the rising of the moon.  I bungy jumped off of the highest commercial Bungy bridge in the world (708 feet).  Because of my internship I was able to teach classes for the first time to amazing students. I was able to live in a house with 16 co-educators and was that an interesting experience.  In all, I am forever grateful to Cape Town for my experience. So as I get ready to leave Cape Town and return home I would like to think that this is not a good bye, but a see you later!

Erica

Maria on Living Without Regrets

On Saturday, April 7th, I ran the Two Oceans half-marathon in 2 hours and 9 minutes.  My right knee started killing me at the 5-kilometer mark (with 16k still to go) and I had to pee REALLY BAD starting at the 1k mark, but my experiences with swimming, track, and triathlons has made me care about my times way too much much and is probably also the reason why I am so competitive when it comes to physical activity.  So, naturally, stopping was not an option.  I did pay dearly for this undertaking with about two days of walking in a silly way with my legs straight, not bending down to pick anything up, and taking the stairs at an unimaginably slow pace and an entertaining technique (or so I was told.)

The rain began just as I was starting to get hot and at first it felt fantastic, but it was a matter of a kilometer or two before it escalated into a downpour of epic proportions.  There was one point with only 3k to go where I was running uphill straight into the wind and rain  -  my shoes inaudibly but indisputably squishing with each step  -  my feet, clothes, and body heavy with exhaustion and saturated with water  -  my terrible eyesight in full swing, alone and fending for itself as the rain washed my contact lenses behind my eyes and into my brain (ok, not into my brain, that's a little dramatic... but I was borderline-blind for a short while and had to dig my contacts out from behind my eyelids)  -  when all I wanted to do was STOP. RUNNING.  My muscles weren't quite on fire, but my knee might as well have been screaming at me for the last hour and a half and I sure was exhausted.  "The finish line HAS to be coming up soon," I thought (ok, repeatedly chanted) to myself.

I never doubted whether or not I would keep running.  I never exercise with music, and I had two straight hours to take up with meditation (what I like to call "zoning out") and a lot of internal motivation.  Some of the things that kept me going: A glance at the beautiful mountains, thinking about telling my parents and grandparents all about the race, occasionally passing someone, thinking of how amazing UConn Swim Club did at Nationals in Atlanta recently, dreaming about my knee brace on my desk at home in Connecticut, thinking about my friends from home in Farmington (especially the ones I do triathlons with), stopping to remember to appreciate everything that made it possible for me to even be running this beautiful race in the first place, the marching bands playing "I can see clearly now the rain has gone" at certain points along the way ("it's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiney day" ...NOT!), random people cheering "Go Maria!" because our names were printed on our racing numbers, and taking mental snapshots to hold on to as long as possible.

I've adopted a way of life to try to try to eliminate regret and useless wondering.  When in doubt, try it.  Just do it.  Kind of want to go out, but too lazy or tired? Not sure what to do?  Do it.  Open yourself up to possibilities.  How will you know whether or not that could have been the best night of your life if you just stay home on the computer?  When I look back on my life, I doubt I'll remember the nights that I got plenty of sleep, or the days that I got all of my homework done on time or did the same old thing.  Should I go to South Africa?  Yes, why not - let's see what it's like.  Join the University of Cape Town swim team?  Hell yeah.  Go to a show for a band I've never even heard of?  Can't wait.  Take a chance?  Worth it.  Bungee jumping?  Sure. Paragliding, cliff-jumping?  Has to be fun.  Wear a bright blue wig to an Avicii concert and jump up and down all night?  I'd do it again.  Run a half-marathon?  Go for it.  How will you know whether or not you'll finish if you never even try?

Bunge Jumping

Since I've started consciously trying to live my life with no regrets, I've learned that this takes a lot of forethought, planning, and premeditation.  When making a decision, I think of "future-me" and try to imagine whether or not I'll look back on my decisions contently.  When I first decided to study abroad in Cape Town, I had very little idea what I'd be getting myself into.

I had never planned on studying abroad.  I thought that if I wanted to travel and see the world then I could just go after I graduated college and it would all be the same.  Then one night when I was hanging out with my friends from UConn Swim Club, everything changed.  I had talked to other friends about their semesters overseas in Europe many times, but it didn't excite me or make me feel like I had to do it myself, at least not during my few valuable university years.  But when I asked my friend Rachel who went on this trip 2 years ago about the beaded flower she has in her apartment, her response evoked somewhat of a revelation for me.  To this day I do not really remember exactly what she said, but I do remember that there was something about the tone in her voice and the distant look in her eyes that made me realize that there was no way I'd truly understand what she was talking about if I hadn't gone there myself.  I somehow saw that there was an entire sphere of thinking and entire aspect of the world that she understood, and I didn't.  I knew that I didn't understand it, but I did somehow know that I wanted it too.  At that moment I decided that I couldn't let myself miss out on something that even then I recognized as an opportunity to change my life and my way of thinking forever.  I was hungry to grow, even though I couldn't even give much thought to what that would entail.

Once I found out that the UConn in Cape Town program was only offered in the Spring semesters, I was sad and disappointed.  Surely, I couldn't miss nationals for swimming, or spend my 21st birthday away from my family (and my swimming family).  I tried to find programs that would be good for me that were offered in the Fall semesters instead.  I have a Spanish minor at UConn that studying abroad could have helped, but none of these programs instilled the energy, curiosity, and passion that I got from what I could get out of the program in South Africa.  Even as someone who was conflicted and somewhat clueless, I knew deep down that it would be Cape Town, or nothing at all.  Keeping in touch with Logan from last year's trip confirmed my suspicions about it really being everything I'd personally hope for in a semester abroad.  I had (and still have) so much to learn, but I still didn't know if it'd be worth leaving UConn if I didn't do something that allowed me to give, not just take.  I could go on a vacation on my own time; I wanted this semester to be something more.  I asked some senior teammates for advice, and when my club's president said, "Take it from someone who is about to graduate and didn't study abroad - do it, or you'll regret it," I pretty much decided to go even though I knew it wouldn't be easy to leave.  If I wanted "future-me" to be happy with "past-me" (which at the time was "present- me"...), and if I wanted to keep trying to avoid regrets, I'd have to take the leap and just go for it.

I was not prepared for what "growing as a person" would mean or how it would happen.  I look at absolutely everything with new eyes and approach every thought and situation with a new perspective and internal process.  I'm more aware, compassionate, understanding, sensitive to others, and critical of my surroundings; and most importantly, critical of myself and my own thoughts and judgments.  I also know how much further I have to go.  I'm hungry for knowledge and understanding.  I never could have imagined exactly what it would feel like to be the person I am today because of this experience, or how difficult it would be to get to this point, but I’m happy I’m here.

When I was hiking Table Mountain, I thought for the hundredth time, "GOOD CHOICE COMING HERE.  This is beautiful.  This is amazing.  How could I have ever doubted this."  Someday, when I am too old to do things like hike for four hours up one of the seven natural wonders of the world, I want to be so exhausted that I am content with just sitting still for once in my life.  I want to have done it all: no wondering, no regrets.  I want to sit back, relax, and die ancient, exhausted, peaceful, and content, thinking, "Yeah, been there, done that."

"Hey self, remember that time you were 21 years old and ran 21km in one of the most beautiful places in the world in the pouring rain while seriously contemplating whether or not the bottom half of your right leg was going to fall off?"

"Yeah, I remember.  That was awesome.  Rock on."  Future-me is now present-me, and I'm reflecting on the last 14 weeks knowing that I can say, "Thanks, past-me. Good job. This was absolutely the right choice."

View from Table Mountain

Nicole's understanding of Ubuntu

 I am officially back in the United States. That does not mean, however, that I have finished telling my stories. My last full day was one of my favorites of the entire trip, and thought it was worth sharing.

 We tried very hard to go into Nyanga, one of the townships where we helped out at an after school program. I was only able to go one time because the time of the program and travel interfered with my internship. However, while we were there, we became friends with one of the young men that leads the program. His name is Joseph and he is remarkable. He donates so much time of his time to helping children in need at the after school program. We got to talking about his life and I think he could sense how interested we were in Nyanga and life in a township, so he offered to bring us around the area. We had been busy for a majority of the weekends and our only chance ended up being our last weekend there. So, we waited for a bus on Saturday and it never came. The same happened Sunday morning. We took it as a sign that we were not supposed to go, that maybe something bad would have happened. I was slightly nervous to walk through a township; we had heard stories about crimes and gangs and the usual warnings. But I also really wanted a deeper understanding of what it felt like to be in a township. So, I had a mix of relief and disappointment when the bus did not come.

 But, we had still had plan to go to Mzoli’s that afternoon. Mzoli’s is a crazy place to eat in Guguletu. Tourist’s go there, but it is also packed with local people. We had to leave by ten in the morning to just get a table. By 12, the place was packed and music was playing and it was extremely loud. In other words, it was awesome. You go into the part where you buy meat (you can only get meat at Mzoli’s), and it looks like any other deli. Only, there are large amounts of raw meat and the place they cook it is right in the next room. We ordered pounds and pounds of meat for our friends and all of the guests that were coming. They cook it on a huge grill and you go wait outside and enjoy each other’s company while they cook. There is a place to buy drinks next door so we bought some and relaxed. As people showed up, they brought packs of beer, noise, and other food with them. Time quickly flew by and we devoured our food in probably five minutes. What I have forgotten to mention is our cab driver came to eat with us. Since we use cabs a lot for transportation, we kept having the same guy, Amos. He was very sad to know we would be leaving and offered to bring us there . This was so great because we had no idea what we were doing. Anyways, we had juicy lamb and beef and sausage. The sausage was my personal favorite, and I normally don’t care for meat at all. We finished everything and realized we would have to buy another round. Joseph and two of his friends, plus some of my friends teachers were coming and we wanted everyone to have some. So we drank more and enjoyed the music and each other. Joseph arrived and it took about five minutes for us all to start joking around and having a good time with each other. Joseph told us how they had planned for us to come and kids were going to perform for us and we felt awful. We just did not know how we could have gotten to Nyanga. So, after dancing and eating and having the best time we could have asked for, we decided to walk to Nyanga from Mzoli’s and spend the day with Joseph and his friends. But, right before we left, I took in the moment and what I was feeling. I was so filled with joy because I was surrounded by great people. Between the guys and teachers and our cab driver, I felt so full and complete. Not everyone knew each other, but it did not matter. And, we had treated everyone. No one stressed about money or other issues, we were all just so happy to have them as company that we wanted them to enjoy. That is when I realized we had come to understand ubuntu and what it means to be one. It did not matter who paid for the food. We were all giving each other happiness by being together and sharing what we had. It sounds corny, but it took such a simple action of inviting everyone together to create such a special moment.

So, we wanted that moment to continue and walked to Nyanga with Joseph and three other awesome guys. Within five minutes we saw a goat just chomping on some leaves. It was normal for them, but I thought it was really funny. Cows and other animals just cross the street and hang around like its no big deal. We all got along so well that I forgot I was in a township. I forgot anything anyone ever told me and had an amazing time. They took us to each of there homes and they may have been smaller than my home and my friends but they were cozy and welcoming. It was like it was effortless for them to just welcome us into their home. We saw a tavern where they sit and drink some beer and enjoy each others company. We walked through an informal settlement, too. I always wanted to because I cannot fathom living in a shack. These houses were made because the government was not making homes in time, and they are very, very small. I still though, was not scared. Kids stared at us and wanted to touch our hands and acted like we were celebrities. I hated it because I don’t deserve for them to treat me that way, I am not better than them. So I tried to be as kind as possible and say hello and give off the vibe that I did not think I was better than them. Joseph told us we were only the second white people to walk through the settlement and they were not used to seeing people like us. Still, people were kind. A women offered us homemade beer right from her house. It was the most interesting beer I had ever tasted. It was a chalky white color and in a tin can. We had to get down on one knee in honor of their ancestors and drink the beer. It is what they drink during ceremonies, like when a boy becomes a man. I was honored to have tasted it. As we continued, I felt like I was hanging out in my neighborhood with old friends. I never once did I feel unsafe. At times uncomfortable, but never threatened. We played on playgrounds with kids, and kicked around a soccer ball. We greeted friends and even ran into people we knew. I never felt a stronger sense of community. 

We walked by the station with taxis that could take us home, but did not want to leave yet. So we kept walking to find a smiley. A smiley is a sheep’s head that is cooked and eaten and still looks like a sheep right until you cut the piece and put it in your mouth. It made me kind of sad that it resemble the animal so closely, therefore I knew what I was eating, but I put the emotions aside because I wanted the cultural experience. I am pretty sure they are called a smiley because they still look like they are smiling. Anyways, we bought half a smiley for 20 rand and went to sit in this little room with one bench, a table, and newspaper. I ate a whole ear, a bite of the tongue, and a bite of the eye. The ear was the hardest to get down considering parts of it were crunchy and others not so much, but I have to admit the tongue was tasty. You sprinkle salt on it and wipe your hands with newspaper. And, like most things, you share. It was such an authentic experience, definitely not one for tourist. I felt like I was immersed and a part of Nyanga. I also regretted meeting them so late in the trip, because we had bonded so easily. I know I am not explaining this right because I really have no words for what this day meant for me. All I can really understand is that I had no inhibitions. I let the day happen and unfold. I felt more a part of Cape Town than ever before. I felt safe. I felt close to people. I felt welcomed. And, I wonder how anyone who lived in Cape Town would not want to visit and enjoy the company of these amazing people. I truly felt what Ubuntu meant and I think my life will be better for it.

Nicole's farewell poem

No one wants to be cliche

But I feel I have no choice

So before I even realize

These words escape my voice

We have found ourselves

And lost ourselves

And found ourselves again

We have broken down

Been beaten down

And learned the value of a friend

Our eyes have opened wider

Forming a new lens

Of how the world should be

And what we want to mend

We have literally climbed mountains

To realize there are many more

This time however is different

We are stronger than before

We have formed bonds so important

That we will never be the same

Its not easy to say goodbye

and you are all to blame

A thank you is in order

Even though you can never be repaid

Instead of mourning our good-byes

Let's enjoy the rest of today

Becky's last day in Cape Town

Table mountain as the clouds begin to clear

How does one even begin to approach planning for their last full day in Cape Town? It has been a pretty emotional weekend and today was the hardest by far. I felt like I had to do something great to finish off my stay here in this amazing city. I had not yet been on top of table mountain (which is a shock I know), and I knew that would be my only regret if I left without seeing the city from the top of it. Weather hasn’t been a friend to us this weekend so when I woke up to find the mountain covered in clouds, it made me so sad to think that I had missed my chance so many times during the previous months. The mountain has been my rock, pun intended, and I can’t believe that I can’t look out my window everyday and see it. Table Mountain is almost like a big brother, always looking out for you wherever you go in Cape Town. You know you are in the Mother City when you see it and it has just become a comfort to see. I was really disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to climb it today, but after a few hours the mountain started to clear up more and more until the clouds were gone. I like to think the mountain knew I was leaving and had to get the clouds off of it so I could say goodbye to Cape Town properly. Since I was limited on time I took the cable car up to the top. I felt a mix of emotions at the top of the mountain; looking at the city I have called my home for three and a half months. Not only did I realize how well I now know the city, but I also couldn’t help but smile at all the memories from every place I looked. There was nowhere in the city I could look and think I hadn’t done something memorable there.

           

It is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do to say goodbye to this wonderful place tomorrow. It is surreal knowing I will be back in the America in less than 48 hours so I don’t think leaving has hit me yet. I know when I can no longer see the mountain all of it will be gone and I can’t prepare for that moment right now. Looking at the city today from Table Mountain was a way for me to end this trip seeing the place I have come to treasure in my heart, from the top of the most special place in Cape Town. I will always have a place in my heart for Cape Town that will ache when I am away from this magnificent city. I’ll miss you Cape Town, thanks for the adventures.

Panoramic view from Table Mountain

Sam knows she'll be back one day

Wow. I actually have to leave Cape Town tomorrow. I was kind of hoping this day just wouldn’t actually come. But looking back at everything we have done and learned over the past three and a half months makes me happy and grateful that I had this opportunity. I have met some really awesome people including all the people I came here with and all those I have met since being here.  I can’t even begin to say how amazing everything has been. This program does an amazing job of making you feel connected to the community here and it makes leaving that much harder. The people here are also so friendly. Just today a group of us went to Mzoli’s, which is a big restaurant in Guguletu where people go with friends and all they serve is meat. It was so delicious and we went with a cab driver who we have become friends with, some of the teachers from Christel House, and some of our friends from the afterschool program in Nyanga. It was so fun to hang out and talk and dance and just have a really good time. And as if that weren’t enough, Brandi, Nicole, Kimmi, and I went with Joseph (from the afterschool program) and a few of his friends on a walk around New Crossroads, Old Crossroads, and Nyanga. They let us visit each one of their houses and were so welcoming. We got to really see a few townships and got to ask questions and experience how friendly people truly are. We even acted like little kids and played on a few playgrounds, kicked a soccer ball around with a group of local kids, drank traditional African beer that is used to give thanks to the ancestors, and even ate a smiley. If you are currently wondering what a smiley is, it’s a sheep head. Yes a sheep head. It is a popular dish and you clean the bones, eating everything, I tried the tongue, cheek and eye, none of it was as bad as it sounds and actually was pretty good. We walked through an informal settlement as well and the whole day was an absolutely perfect way to end this trip. I know I have said this for multiple days here, but I think today may have been the best day of my life. Saying goodbye to our friends there was really hard but I know I will see them again one day. Whenever I come back here, I am going there first. Everything in Cape Town is amazing and I know I will back here as soon as I can to both visit my kids at Christel House and all the people I have become friends with. I’m excited to see my family and friends and especially my dogs once I get home but I will definitely be missing life here. I am grateful to have all the people I came here with as well so we can all talk about how much we want to be back here once we are home. 

Sam with learners in her class